Loquacity Of Latharia

My snow baby

2012-01-21T08:21:00.002-06:00

So I stuffed Alexandra into her hand-me-down bunting (cute, isn't it?) and plopped her down in the snow, in the backyard. Here is her first reaction to it:

After a while, she adjusted to sitting in the stuff & started looking around ... and seeing the flakes swirl around:

I love my snow baby.

Get ready .....!

2012-01-10T21:22:00.001-06:00

The forecast for tomorrow night is an inch of snow ... and 1-3 more inches on Thursday. Sweet.

Now that Journal Your Christmas is over ... I resume doing everyday layouts

2012-01-05T10:52:00.002-06:00

This is a layout I'd been dreaming about. And the fortunes were all saved over the past couple of years, as referenced in the journaling.

And I mentioned this on the blog ... but it's still fun to see the photos that inspired me to start counting the number of pictures we'd taken.

And this is another one I've been meaning to do for a while, having saved her Junior Deputy badge. Kind of cool to have it and see how small she is in relation to it!

The remaining pages, now available for your viewing pleasure

2012-01-04T08:46:00.000-06:00

Journal Your Christmas album complete!

2012-01-02T20:25:00.002-06:00

For some reason, the photos I took of the interior pages are quite blurry, so I'll have to give that another go tomorrow. For now, though, you can see how the album looks, completed.

I was planning on making the cover a bit more elaborate ... but now that I see the whole thing done, I'm pleased with how it looks. I also was going to tie a bunch of ribbons on the rings, but that feels a bit passe, so I'll skip it.

I am so pleased to have been able to document so many different elements of Alexandra's first Christmas!

For those of you who use Facebook ...

2012-01-01T16:03:00.003-06:00

if you can spare a click to vote for one of Alexandra's photos, it'd be hugely helpful. The link is right here. Please do pass along ... and friend me while you're at it, if you want to see more of her! Contest ends January 3rd!

The rest of the pages I've photographed-and-uploaded!

2011-12-31T21:53:00.002-06:00

More to come as I complete them & get them photographed ... but for now, here's the 25th through the 28th!

Christmas was fantastic! It was hard to pick just one photo, but this one shows her joy, and her Santa pajamas!

Here we all are, playing Red November. Alexandra was quite intrigued ... and patient ... and chose to nap through half of it!

Blurry photo, but I wanted to document Daddy sharing his Christmas gift with Alexandra

And ... all dolled up in one of MANY cute winter outfits! I love that hat!

More to come, as I get photos printed! I think I will most likely do the book through the 31st or maybe the 1st.

A few more uploaded. Still slogging through the whole upload/edit process!

2011-12-30T21:27:00.002-06:00

A few more entries. My husband's keyboard is very stiff, so striking the keys really hurts my fingers and wrists after a while. Dang.

More JYC entries!

2011-12-30T11:10:00.003-06:00

Slowly but surely, I gain the work-around skills to get my photos uploaded to the internet!

More later!

Panic not!

2011-12-30T10:09:00.001-06:00

For all the people who've inquired ... yes, in some form or another, almost all of Alexandra's photos have been saved. I'm missing about 3 days' worth. Yeah. That's it. Call it a miracle. Call it my compulsiveness. I'm just happy. And tomorrow I may get those 3 days' worth back, too. Booyah!

Computer fried

2011-12-26T10:34:00.003-06:00

Well, my computer fried very early the morning of the 22nd, so although I've been keeping current with my pages, I've had time for very little else, like puzzling out how to upload things to my husband's computer. Lucky for you, dear readers, I had already uploaded pages 14 & 16, so I'll share those with you now:

It seems like both the mixes and the ornaments were a big hit...and the jams we've made 3 years running are now becoming a bit of a staple, so I think we're expected to continue those!

Until I can get the computer fixed or replaced ... or figure out how to get the printer installed (it has ports for the camera card) ... or find the cable for the camera, I'm limited to what I can do with my phone. To tide you over, here are a few pictures from Christmas Cuteness:

Wish me luck!

Where did the week go?

2011-12-18T10:15:00.003-06:00

Oh, yeah ... I know. Cleaning up from Cookie Day. Distributing cookies. Packing away the gear we use only once a year. Rearranging furniture in 3 different rooms. Sending out the last few Christmas cards. Working. Caring for Alexandra. It's all coming back to me, now. I also have been able to stay pretty current with my JYC pages, just not having much luck getting time to photograph them, upload them to the computer, crop, and then upload to the web to share. But now, during some quiet moments, here I am!

The page on the 11th was sorta about Christmas trees ... or at least about Alexandra helping decorate ours.

And rather than write about Christmas Past, let's write about Cookie Day Present!

And no comment on Christmas Music ... much more fun to show Alexandra holding this year's Christmas Journal while sitting at my scrapping table!

The 14th is about Alexandra being patient while we made a LOT of homemade gifts. I don't want to post it for fear that some recipients will SEE what we made! You'll have to wait.

*grin*

And I've written a lot in the last 5 years about visitors ... so I'd rather comment on Alexandra's continued fascination with the tree & include the tag that was on the tree when we bought it.

The 16th is on a subject that would also reveal some gifts ... so you'll have to wait for that one, too, until after the 25th. *grin* Alexandra was an active participant in that one, too, not just a mere patiently-waiting-and-entertaining-self- baby!

I switched the topics for the 16th and 17th, inadvertently, so the 17th is now about Christmas Gratitude. It should've been about the Perfect Gift, which would've fit just fine, too. *grin*

I'm feeling a lot of happiness right now, let me tell you. I read through entries from my adoption/baby journal from the beginning of 2010 until just recently. Profound life changes & more joy than I can accurately convey through the written word.

The journal continues ...

2011-12-12T11:50:00.003-06:00

I've actually been managing to do a page every day or 2 pages every other day (bless you, my little angel!), but actually photographing them in decent light, uploading them, and then posting ... well, that's a whole 'nother story!

I'm going off-topic a lot ... 'cause I want to capture little moments and "firsts", like her first encounter with Christmas tree lights

And my "sight of the season" is Alexandra in her first holiday sweater:

Resurrected tradition ... a visit to Santa*

Another off-the-rails page ... just can't have enough pics of cute Alexandra in my album.

Okay ... pages 11 (yesterday) and 12 (today), MIGHT get done tonight ... but we have to pack up everything from Cookie Day, plus move furniture, so, yeah ... maybe not. That's okay. We're having loads of fun!

*okay, I snuck to Santa's house last year & left a letter in the mailbox, asking for a baby for Christmas ... but I didn't sit on his lap, so that doesn't count!

Let the journal begin!

2011-12-08T21:02:00.003-06:00

I've begun my 6th Journal Your Christmas project.

This year, we have so much to celebrate.

I'm sure to no one's surprise, it's dedicated to my Alexandra.

One of favorite entries is day #2.

I used one of the Christmas cards I made for the 3rd daily entry.

When asked to journal about what would make a Christmas perfect, the answer was short & sweet.

I am going a bit off-topic from the prompts, but I'm enjoying documenting other things instead.

Here's another off-topic page ... but I couldn't resist.

I actually did entries 7 & 8 this evening, so I'm caught up ... but will have to wait to photograph them at a later date. Busy, busy, busy ... Cookie Day is only 3 days away!!

When did it get to be time to start Journal Your Christmas?

2011-12-01T21:19:00.001-06:00

Been looking forward to doing this particular year's Journal Your Christmas since I started the album for 2008!!! Now, just to carve out the time to do it! Wish me luck! I'm already feeling frayed at the edges with life changes that have nothing to do with the holidays or Alexandra!

She is not leaving without a fight

2011-11-29T19:43:00.003-06:00

So, my car. My car's been with me for over 18 years. She's performed admirably. Sticker price was $9,995 and she is worth every cent. Now, however, it's time to let her go. I don't want to. I have some unnatural attachment. Apparently so does she.

I listed her for sale on Craiglist a few days ago, feeling somewhat like a traitor. I mentioned this & was teased. My reply? "Just wait until we actually try to sell her."

She's been reliable & wonderful for almost 2 decades. But now, she needs more work than I'm willing to invest. She needs a new windshield wiper assembly ($200 part), first and foremost. New brakes and tires would be on the list for next summer. A serpentine belt is also probably on the horizon. Essentially, if I am willing to invest $1,000 of parts and labor, she'd be in tip-top shape. We don't have the $1,000, and if I had $1,000, I have several other places it'd make more sense to invest it.

When we purchased our other car, it was with the understanding that buying one mid-sized vehicle, we'd eventually go down to 1 car. We both work less than 10 minutes from home. Now that my office has moved, my work is actually on the way to DH's work. Heck, I could walk it if I wanted to dodge some traffic on a busy street for a block or so.

So, for every reason I can name, it's time to get rid of her. So, a lady contacted me yesterday & we talked this afternoon. She wanted the car today. TODAY. Dang. Okay. She arranges for a ride ... and then everything goes downhill.

(1) I can't find the key to the lockbox that houses important papers, like, oh, the title to the car. Eventually I find the keys (in a very odd place, mind you, NOT where I would've said I ALWAYS keep them), so we're good to go.
(2) She has difficulty cashing the money order she has (I told her I would only accept cash). She has to speak to a manager, etc., and is delayed in getting to me by almost 2 hours.
(3) Just before she's supposed to arrive, I go to move the car from the garage to the driveway (keep in mind I've not driven it more than 11 miles in the last 3 weeks) ... and the battery is dead. DH gives me a jump start & I lap the block a few times to make sure it charges up.
(4) She finally gets here with cash, the battery is reasonably charged up, I've made sure there's enough gas to get her home (she lives 26 miles away), I've found the title and read the directions, and ...

she doesn't drive stick.

*face palm*

I clearly listed that in the Craigslist ad. *deep sigh* So ... I've resolved to take her to a mechanic who's expressed an interest, and quoted me a price. I'm just not telling her. If I can set up a time, I'm not mentioning any of this in front of her. I'll just tell her I'm taking her out for a well-deserved joy ride.

Why does it feel like I'm taking a friend out into the woods with a sordid plan involving me coming back alone?

Anyone want to buy a 9 month sized pinafore?

2011-11-17T21:16:00.006-06:00

So, funny story .... I bought to make a pinafore for Alexandra. I bought it in 2 sizes: 12 month & 18 month. My aunt, who is quite industrious, agreed to give it a whirl before she came to visit from Minneapolis. WELL. She printed it out & later that day I received an email that she'd made "more than 1." When the dust settled, she'd made EIGHT reversible pinafores & brought them last weekend. They were awfully tight on Alexandra & she thought maybe the pattern was wrong. I'd also bought a finished pinafore from the same seller, so I did some comparisons & deduced that somehow my aunt resized the pattern when she printed it out! A consultation with the pattern maker revealed that the pinafores ahttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifre actually closer to a 9 month size! So, I am awash in pinafores Alexandra can barely fit into, including 4 beautiful Christmas designs! BUMMER. I'd like to be able to recoup the cost of the fabric, at least, and cover shipping - so if you're interested, make me an offer!! Feel free to pass along to others, too!

More baby scrapbooking

2011-11-17T14:01:00.004-06:00

I actually did these pages in fits and starts over several days ... then it took me for ever to take pictures of them ... and longer to upload and crop ... and now to share! It's been busy with my aunt visiting & with DH out of town at his brother's wedding!

I have decided just to document random elements of Alexandra's life, so it allows me to skip around & pick different things that strike my fancy -- like realizing these two pictures showed how some things have changed and some things have stayed the same!

And this page is just a fave photo of mine. Huge eyes, very contemplative ... and gnawing on her links, which is a favorite past-time.

And again another one of those milestones -- didn't even get pictures of her first tooth coming in, because it came in with nary a whimper, but the 2nd one was a bit more documented. It's only been in photos taken earlier this month that you can actually SEE the teeth in any pictures, but at least it's documented!

Milk and Cookies and a Book

2011-11-10T21:25:00.002-06:00

I am about to retire for the evening. I currently have the house to myself (okay, I'm sharing it with Alexandra and a couple of cats), and I've really enjoyed the peace & quiet this evening. It's amazing how much I can get done in just a few hours if I have the run of the place. I need to change the little girl & give her a bottle (she only ate 12 oz today ... I'm surprised I didn't hear whimpering!), then time for me to curl up in bed. I'm going to enjoy some freshly baked chocolate chip cookies, a glass of milk, and a good book (Warbreaker by Brandon Sanderson). Good night, all!

I had some fun this weekend ...

2011-11-08T15:13:00.005-06:00

And managed to scrapbook some random photos of Alexandra's. This first one was completed with pictures taken by an acquaintance (a professional photographer) who visited us when Alexandra was just over a month old:

And these photos were taken on an impromptu stroll with my Blackberry. Not bad shots ... and it shows our adventures, including smelling flowers, and falling asleep.

And this documents my inviting over some yoga buddies to spend time with Alexandra in September. They threw her a shower in April & I thought they might all like to see her a few months later!

And these pictures I took after we had our professional photoshoot. Seemed appropriate to use the whole "punkin" thing. I've been calling her "pumpkin bear" lately ... now shortened to "punky bear." I'm weird. I know.

And these pictures were e-freebies done by the professional photographer -- small pictures intended to be emailed to loved ones for Halloween (which I certainly did!), but I decided to print them out as 3x4 images & make a Halloween page for her while it's still fresh in my mind!

Who cares about catching up?

2011-11-05T21:26:00.002-05:00

So my scrapbooking took a back seat (way, way, way back seat) about 2 years ago, when we were doing everything we could to increase our chances for an adoption, including my taking on a part time job in addition to my full time one. So, right about now, I'm working on December 2009 photos for our chronological albums. And I'm also working on pages from the last 7 months, because let's face it -- Alexandra's pretty damned photogenic & she's just fun to scrapbook, too.

I'm taking the same approach I took when I first started scrapbooking in 1995 - stay current & slowly work your way forward from the beginning. Eventually, the gap will close to nothing. I don't mind if that doesn't happen ever again - the last time it did, I was dreadfully bored with nothing to scrapbook & resorted to scrapbooking other people's photos.

My favorite online scrapbooking community is closing its doors in the next month or so. I don't know if I'll look to join another one. Truth be told that the friends I've made online I can still access through other means, mostly Facebook ... and I just don't know if I can handle a time-sink of getting involved in another community. Alexandra's going to be mobile soon (I predict some kind of intentional scooting or crawling forward this coming weekend, just because I think she'll show off for her Great Aunt who is visiting), and I'll have my hands full.

So, without further ado ... here are a couple of scrapbook LOs of my new favorite subject. I've got 5 more piled on the living room coffee table that are yet to be uploaded. But you'll be inundated with those too. If you choose to come back, that is.

Here's a page from August of this year -- visiting my parents after my dad's heart attack in July.

And this shot you may remember from my DIY Photoshoot post in September. I like this picture of the 3 of us, even if Alexandra isn't exactly looking at the camera.

And this page probably never would've been made if not for a freebie offer through CVS for pictures on my Facebook account. They're not the best pictures -- but they were some of the first we shared with the whole world on the day her birthparents legally released her into our care, 3 days after she was born. I still remember waiting on pins and needles. After caring for her in the hospital, when she was only a couple of hours old, we were just terrified they might change their minds & we dared not tell anyone outside a very tiny circle of loved ones. When we got the word, we were just stunned, then overjoyed.

Growth spurt!

2011-10-29T01:19:00.001-05:00

When we left for Disney World, she still fit into some 6 month sized clothes. Four days later, when we returned home, I had to move all of the 6 month sizes out & get her into 6-9 month sizes. In less than 10 days, she's outgrown those & now is in a 9 month sleeper. Dang, girl. We're feeding her the same stuff we always have ... but she's getting quite roly-poly.

Here's a time-lapse from every 8 weeks of her life:

Beautiful girl!

A glimpse of our recent trip

2011-10-20T22:21:00.002-05:00

Here's a brief glimpse into our recent trip to Walt Disney World. We took our niece for her 9th birthday -- it's a "thing" we do for our nephews & niece, and she's the last one to go, so she was very amped up about it. We stuck to EPCOT and Magic Kingdom during our 72 hour whirlwind trip, and our adventures included the Food & Wine Festival as well as the Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween Party. I need a vacation from this vacation!! *grin*

DIY Photoshoot

2011-09-25T22:24:00.003-05:00

I won a photo shoot back in June of 2010 & I told the photographer we'd like to wait a few months, because hopefully we'd be adopting soon. We scheduled a session at the Arboretum for October 24th. At that point, we had no baby ... but we thought we'd at least get some nice pictures of the 2 of us, maybe to use in our adoption profile.

We were rained out. We rescheduled for December 19th. It was below freezing, but no snow on the ground, so the landscape just looked bleak and miserable. So we said we'd reconnoiter in the spring.

In the spring, I had the delight of emailing the photographer and telling her we had a beautiful baby girl to add to the photoshoot. We scheduled for May 15th. It was rainy all weekend & we both had colds, so we postponed ... again! ... for today.

The weather forecast was dicey, but at 1:30, it was looking pretty good for our 3 pm rendezvous. The photographer emailed us to tell us that the weather looked awful & she was cancelling. I looked out my window -- dark gray clouds intermixed with beams of sunshine. I was willing to take the gamble ... but didn't want to presume upon her kind offer, so we 3 just went to the pre-planned spot & set up the tripod.

It was ridiculously hard to get a good shot of the 3 of us (no remote for the camera, just a 10 second delay to race into the shot), but here's the best we managed:

We did get some nice pictures of each other, though -- here I am with Alexandra:

And here's Alexandra and Daddy:

I am glad we went. And the photographer said she'd plan on doing a studio shoot on a weekday soon. Maybe that red holiday dress I swapped for last week will show up & we can get some pictures suitable for Christmas card use. I have no idea if that's considered appropriate -- photos taken in October for a holiday card mailed at the beginning of December? Seems reasonable!

...no, BLUE eyes

2011-09-13T18:33:00.000-05:00

See? Today she has blue eyes. I really don't know the rhyme or reason why. Good thing we've got almost 12,000 photos to document this phenomenon. Happy to be obsessive on the photography thing, John! Totally worth obsessing over!

Sucked into digital cardmaking!

2011-09-12T22:39:00.002-05:00

I've been sitting in front of the computer far too long ... but once I started tinkering with Alexandra's photos, tinting them to sepia, well, nothing would do except to make a card to send to my dad. Pretty nifty options these days. I digitally manipulate the photos, plop them into one of a billion customizable templates, and voila! A card is all ready to be shipped off to Grandpa! I like this even better than digital scrapbooking -- and there's instant gratification! And it costs less than most of the cards I'd buy at Hallmark! Sweet.

5x7 Folded Card

View the entire collection of cards.

10,000+ photos

2011-09-05T22:38:00.001-05:00

It's no surprise that Alexandra's familiar with the click of a camera shutter. By our estimate (and some rough math after sending some pictures to family members & realizing the later photos have a lower number than the earlier photos), we've taken more than 10,000 photos since she was born. Sure a few of them were taken when she wasn't present, but still. TEN THOUSAND. I am now a little more clear on (a) why it's taking me so long to get "the best of the best" photos sorted & uploaded for posterity and (b) why my computer is running slower!

Grey eyes

2011-09-04T22:06:00.002-05:00

Alexandra's eyes are so intent. Today they are a thoughtful grey. Sometimes they shift to a light blue. My eyes shift color, too. Sometimes grey, sometimes blue, sometimes a muddy hazel green. I think some of it has to do with what colors are around me -- maybe certain colors reflect and others do not? But some of it, too, has to do with my mood. I wonder what Alexandra's eye color shifts mean.

Some music with my breakfast, please.

2011-09-01T11:52:00.002-05:00

Alexandra and I have developed a routine for breakfast time - which is good, because I'm "on deck" for 6 breakfasts a week.

I get up & get her changed & dressed, and we go downstairs. I put on some music (Yello and Jeff Lynne for the past 2 days), and get her breakfast started. After she's had her fruit & some cereal, then it's my turn. She plays with her links while I eat my breakfast. She watches me intently & often is delighted to lick the outside of my water glass. No idea why, but she does.

It's a fun time for us both & she's always so happy & curious!

I do love being a mom

2011-08-28T21:02:00.002-05:00

Being a mom is awesome. My own mom asked me what the biggest surprise was in becoming a parent, and I told her, "It is easier than I thought it would be." Part of that is Alexandra's temperament, part of it is having so much time to prepare, and part of it is dumb luck. I'll happily enjoy it for however long it lasts. As I mentioned in my last post, there are certainly challenges ... but I was really bracing myself for this experience to be a gruelling one. Instead, most days it's just divine.

I love interacting with Alexandra. Just holding her on my lap and watching her explore her surroundings is a joy. She watches the cats with great intensity, and she often breaks out into fits of giggles or just the funniest sounds ... which sets ME to laughing.

I don't know how long this streak will last. I'm sure at some point she'll just drive me crazy, but for now, all I can say is that this is just awesome. She's so amazing that sometimes even though she's sound asleep, I just want to go into her room, pick her up & cuddle her -- maybe even wake her up to play! I don't, though, because I know it's a Bad Idea (TM) ... but sometimes I will sneak in and just watch her sleep.

I love her so much.

Challenges of parenting

2011-08-25T16:53:00.004-05:00

Don't get me wrong -- Alexandra's an angel! But I am still facing challenges that I doubt are unique.

Challenge #1: Just how much do you need that nap, really?
It's hard for me gauge if she'll go to pieces without a nap. Some times an interrupted nap results in no problem whatsoever, sometimes (although not often) it turns into an hour of overtired little girl, crying & hiccuping & turning all red in the face. At times like that I feel a little responsible -- but because she's so easy-going, and it happens so rarely, I'm loathe to let her nap whenever she seems a bit tired.

Challenge #2: So, these things called "plans" are really more "guidelines", then?
She can go to the gym with me now ... but often my small windows of time (time I'm not working and time the kid care place is open) to actually get there are blocked by other things - arrival of a crib (a kind gift for which I am truly grateful), the need for her to nap or to have some food, the sudden onslaught of a downpour (my car is not safe to drive in the rain) - and the net result is that today makes my 4th attempt to get to the gym in 4 days - and it's not happening. Heck, today I was so bound-and-determined that I had a plan A and a plan B. Both failed. *sigh*

Challenge #3: Okay there is no challenge #3.

That's why I am loathe to lodge a complaint at all. Really, Alexandra is something special. I think it's just integral to the whole being-a-parent thing that it's hard to make it all work when one of us can't fend for herself in the slightest. I was toying with the idea of doing a workout at home while she sleeps (that's why I've got the time now to blog) ... but after rearranging furniture in her room & wrestling with a crib mattress three times (turns out 2 of the hand-me-down sheet sets I was given are the wrong size), and walking all around the house with her to jiggle her and to dance to and to soothe - I am just exhausted. I know I'm not doing much cardio - and my weight is back up at its all-time high (where it's been since about the time she was born) -- but man. I am tired.

I'm pretty good at bending & flexing ... and I thought that would be enough to get to the gym, but it's still not working, even after 4 weeks of trying really hard to make it work. How many fresh starts do I get? I could ask more experienced parents how they handle it ... but I'm pretty certain of the response: Just do what you can, be kind to yourself, and know that in time it'll get easier as she can do more things for herself (with the notable corollary that there will be different challenges then.) Right?

Five months old

2011-08-11T21:24:00.002-05:00

Hard to believe in some ways, but Alexandra is five months old. And yes, I took a picture of her wearing a giant flowery Hello Kitty headband and a Hello Kitty tutu outfit, both of them purple. I mean when else am I going to be able to get away with this stuff? I am not the most fashionable of people ... but I'd rather get tons of photos of her in a variety of outfits & when she's older, she can decide for herself which ones are blackmail material and which ones demonstrate her inner cuteness.

Good people in this world

2011-07-26T21:04:00.002-05:00

Today, Alexandra and I set out for some adventures & we had one all right! We were en route to meet up with a friend for lunch & ... oops! I ran out of gas. I was a mere block and a half from our destination, and I couldn't push the car AND steer it, or I would've*!

A good samaritan named Edward stopped to help & I called my friend to help out. Edward took out a flare & an orange reflective triangle & parked behind me so I wouldn't get rear-ended. My friend Carrie took Edward's gas can (mine was at home ... I removed my crate o' emergency gear to make room for the giant stroller!!) and got gas.

I chatted with Edward & he said he'd just lost his job last week, so he was just heading home after networking & was going to look up jobs on the internet, so he wasn't pressed for time. He told me his wife often teases him for having emergency gear in his trunk ... I told him that I was glad HE had some because although I usually do, today I didn't! I also told him to tell his wife, "There was this woman with a 4 month old baby who ran out of gas & I had to help!" Hero points, for sure, don't you think?

Carrie was able to retrieve a gallon of gas for me & we started our lunch about 20 minutes late, but had lunch nonetheless. I thanked her profusely & offered to pay for the gas, but she waved me off & said she was happy to help.

I'm almost always the one who is ridiculously prepared, so it's not often I get to be on the receiving end, but it is wonderously reassuring to know there are people in the world like this, who just jump in & help & don't make a big deal out of it.

And for those of you who know me well, the answer is that I ran out of gas because I'd told myself "Get gas on the way to work on Monday." ... which never happened since I skipped work in favor of driving downstate to see my dad in the hospital very late Sunday night, after he'd had a heart attack, coded twice, had 2 seizures and a number of blackouts. The good news is that he has a pacemaker & is doing great. The bad news is that I was a bit preoccupied & so I got no gas when we got home late yesterday.

But then again, forgetting gas gave me a great opportunity to experience the kindness of a stranger (and the reliability of a good friend), so that's a plus. And it reminded me that no matter how self-reliant I am, I cannot risk pushing a car with a tiny baby in it, at least not solo.

*for the record, yes I fully believe I can push my car 1.5 blocks up a slight incline. I'm either delusional or a bad-ass. I tried, but couldn't do it from the side while holding the steering wheel.

I haz a duck

2011-07-26T14:29:00.000-05:00

Because Mel seemed to be concerned that Alexandra didn't have a rubber duckie, here's proof she's got one. (She has 3 actually, but here's 1 of them.)

Alexandra says YES to rice cereal

2011-07-19T10:59:00.002-05:00

Yeah. She likes it.

Looking for this frame!

2011-07-15T11:59:00.003-05:00

I know it's a long shot, but I might get lucky. I'm looking for this frame:

Apparently, it's no longer carried by Disney & I REALLY would like a couple more, now that our family is expanded! If you could put the word out, all of you Disney freaks, that would be great!

I'm not so much into sports

2011-07-09T18:58:00.004-05:00

But DH is a Cubs' fan, so he quite enjoyed propping Alexandra up in front of the TV to watch a segment of a Cubs' game.

If Alexandra becomes an athlete, she'll be the first one on my side of the family to do much of anything in that arena. (I don't think my 2 years of track and field in high school counts as me being an athlete, nor do I think 2 years of medieval longsword in my late 30's does, either) I'm happy with her being exposed to as many different things in life as possible. I would be happy to have her pick up a sword at some point, athletic endeavor or no. *grin*

Yes, I'm working full time.

2011-06-30T14:21:00.003-05:00

I've had many people express curiosity about my status & it seems to confuse the hell out of them. Yes, I'm working full time. No, that doesn't translate to being in an office 40 hours a week. Here's the deal -- I work about 21 hours a week IN an office. And the rest of the work I need to do, I do from home. The hours vary widely, which works out fine, because it means I'm pretty flexible when it comes to doing stuff with Alexandra.

I have to say I'm pretty close to living the life of Riley. Finances are uncomfortably tight, but we can turn them around in another few months. Having this time with Alexandra is absolutely priceless, and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. Having flexible hours means I can wander next door, eat lunch with a friend while feeding Alexandra, then come home to watch Alexandra swim!

I could cram more work hours in, and I'd bring in more money, but I already did that all of last year & for the first three months of this year, and it was not what I wanted. I think that we'll just tighten the belt a notch (heck, we need to do that literally anyway & work on our health goals more vigorously) and just be parents. We've got 2 events this fall -- my niece's 9th birthday, about which we'd made many promises over the years, and my DH's twin brother's wedding. Other than those expenditures, I think we'll just be careful with our spending & soak up being parents.

And before anyone says "Yeah, kids are expensive," just hush your mouth. The only "kid" expenses we've had are (1) astronomical adoption costs, which are now all completely paid and (2) diapers & formula. Seriously. Diapers and formula set us back $115/month. So, don't think that we're blaming our financial stressors on Alexandra, 'cause we're not. It's just a function of robbing Peter to pay Paul when we got back from Georgia, and I'm still waiting for things to stabilize. They will. They always do.

So, Alexandra's due to get up from her nap any second ... then it's time for her to eat & I'm off to the doctor for a routine check up. Just ordinary stuff, but it's glorious, with Alexandra around.

Happy Father's Day!

2011-06-19T21:13:00.002-05:00

My honey's first Father's Day was quite laid-back, which is just how he wanted it. We went out to brunch at our fave breakfast place, along with my mom & dad who were in town. The rest of the day we just kind of meandered & chilled & did random stuff that we liked. Oh, and Alexandra took a 3 hour nap in the middle of the afternoon, which allowed Daddy to play computer games totally guilt-free! Usually her naps are more like 45 minutes long, so this was her own little gift to Daddy.

We talked over dinner tonight about how it feels to be parents. It's just awesome. We joke about how we're chopped liver compared to her. She just elicits so much positive attention from everyone who sees her. We truly are fortunate to have the opportunity to be parents. Know how people say that mothers forget about the pain of labor & it allows them to want to do it all over again? I think there's something to that, even with the 2 year "paper pregnancy" of the adoption process, 'cause I told him I wanted to consider adopting a 2nd child. He just can't even wrap his brain around the idea at this point, so we'll table it for now. Alexandra is just so amazing, the idea of more kids seems rampantly appealing, at least as an idea.

Both of us are keenly aware that Alexandra is not a typical baby. She eats easily - sucks down 5-7 oz with no breaks, just some back pats and jostles at the end. She hardly ever has gas. She poops once a day. She seems to time her eating & sleeping to coincide with things like eating just before we have to leave the house, sleeping when we get to a restaurant. She sleeps 9 hours at a stretch now ... sometimes she'll even go as long as 10 1/2 hours! She smiles so much, it's ridiculous. Her version of a total meltdown is what I've experience with most babies to be "moderate fussiness." No cradle cap. No eczema*. She travels well. She loves to swim & to bathe. Been eating the same formula she started with on day 1. I mean, honestly? I didn't know babies could do this stuff. We have people say, "Well, enjoy it while you can ... something's bound to trip you up." Yeah, sure. But we are really really enjoying it now.

And my honey's not only enjoying it, he's doing a fabulous job. His anxiety is surfacing with lots of over-zealousness & some over-protection, but I think he's learning to tone it down & trust others to take care of her with a little more grace & calmness. Way to go, new dad!

*at least so far ... we know it could pop up still.

It's the little things

2011-06-06T23:25:00.003-05:00

We got back from our trip to Walt Disney World ... and oh, yes I have photos to share. Many many many photos. I already posted some to Alexandra's site. But I just had to share these 2 pictures, because it's just too cute.

We were racing through the rain, to get to our lunch reservations at the Italy pavillion in EPCOT & I saw a dark speck move into my path. I thought it was a small leaf, and as I came closer I realized it was the tiniest frog I've ever seen in my life. He was hopping across the broad walkway & I just had to stop and effect a rescue, fearful he'd be crushed by guests, running pell-mell in the rain. So, I stopped & scooped him up & carried him to safety. I have pretty small hands ... and he was barely the size of a fingernail! I put him in a raised flower bed, off to the side he was hopping towards. Just a precious moment!

Starting those hobbies early

2011-05-15T20:57:00.003-05:00

Never too young to start developing hobbies, right? We started her off at about one week with gaming:

And last week we progressed to scrapbooking:

Alexandra picked out the ribbon & tasted it to make sure it was good.

I could get used to this. But I don't think it'll last long. Once she's mobile, we'll have to get her a treadmill or something, let her do some cardio training. *wink*

Happy Mother's Day to me!!!

2011-05-09T21:50:00.002-05:00

And my precious angel didn't disappoint. She laughed and smiled and cooed at many points throughout the day.

I do not think I've known a baby as happy as she is.

She's had 2 periods where she's drooling a lot & we think maybe a tooth or 2 are pushing in, far underneath the surface of the gums ... and if that's her at her most fussy, all I can say is we are blessed parents indeed. 2 hours of whimpering & being pitiful, then she's fine.

I am so pleased to be celebrating Mother's Day, I can't even begin to tell you. The last couple of years, I was quietly & keenly aware of not being a mom. This year -- deliriously happy. The journey to adopt was long & painful, but when I see this angel's eyes light up, all I can think is that it was totally worth it.

A few days ago, I went in to check on her (I could hear her doing her pre-wake-up grunting & squeaking), and as I hovered over her cradle, she opened her eyes, looked right at me & just broke into the biggest nose-crinkling grin. Dude. I'm a mom!

One happy baby

2011-05-03T19:20:00.001-05:00

Alexandra cracks me up with her giggles & smiles!

2011-05-03T09:51:00.001-05:00

Something Missing by Matthew Dicks

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

This book was recommended by Bethany Scott quite a while ago & I'm glad I finally got around to reading it. It was a quick, light piece, quirky & amusing. I also had to give it an extra star for the mere fact the main character uses a d10 to randomize some of his decisions!

View all my reviews

Alexandra is fascinated by pictures of babies

2011-04-23T18:18:00.001-05:00

The Global Babies book she received at the yoga ladies' shower is her current favorite. She smiles & laughs when she sees pictures. She especially likes the pictures of the babies from India & Iraq!!

Smilin' girl!

2011-04-20T22:13:00.001-05:00

It's really hard to catch her smile on camera ... but she has one, that's for sure! She is getting very interactive & just more adorable by the day!!!

Alexandra is 1 month old

2011-04-11T23:14:00.002-05:00

I see you! Alexandra is having great fun on her play mat, especially looking in the mirror. Is that another baby? WOW!

Day in court ... and more "oh, by the way" news we are coming to loathe

2011-04-07T11:31:00.003-05:00

We 3 went to court yesterday. The paperwork process to legally adopt Alexandra is officially underway. It won't be finalized for about 6 months. And we found out that it may not be until JANUARY that we get her birth certificate! That's news. We're getting kind of tired of getting news like that.

While in Georgia we had "Oh we just need to fax you paperwork." This is once we've left the hotel & are at a location with no fax. We got the pediatrician to receive it for us ... and it turned out we had to notarize it & fax it back. THAT took 2 hours.

Then we had "Oh, yeah, you need to be in court as soon as possible." once we'd returned from being gone for 2 weeks. Uh, people ... that would've been good to know ahead of time. We were just GONE for 2 weeks from work. Taking off more time is difficult AND costs us money!!

Day before court it was "Oh, and you need to bring an itemized list of all adoption expenses." Oh, sure. Yeah. I've got nothing else to do for the afternoon. (Thankfully I am genius & did find it squirreled away under a section of our budget!) Still ... really?

Yesterday we found about the delayed birth certificate, and also that the ICPC permission thing has nothing to do with traveling with Alexandra out-of-state before her adoption is finalized. We have to beg permission from the courts & from our overseeing agency. Really???? Come ON!! When are we going to be entrusted to parent this little girl & just get all of the documentation to do things like, oh ... open a savings account, file our taxes, allow her to be cared for by a licensed agency, start a college fund ... all manner of things require a birth certificate and/or a social security number. We won't have either until next YEAR.

We had said we wanted 2 kids ... but I really don't know if we can tolerate constantly being evaluated & monitored & judged like this. There's a reason I'm self-employed.

We thought it was just an accident ...

2011-04-03T21:45:00.005-05:00

This afternoon, I attached these dangling "Go Bugs" to the edge of her cradle. (They're meant for her carseat, but since when does Mommy do as directed?) I turned her on a side & rattled the one behind her. Sure enough, she rolled over to see what was making the noise! She then turned her head all the way around and watched it intently as I jingled it. I called Ken in to see & asked him to bring the camera. We thought what we caught was accidental, as shown here:

She batted at it & we figured it was just a fluke ... but then several more times later this evening, she's very intently reached out for it, and not even right after we make noise with it & move it around! Is that even possible? I didn't think that 3 week old infants could make those kinds of connections. Whether it's a fluke or a genuine learning moment, we're pretty darn pleased!

I have a perfectly good excuse for not posting for several weeks

2011-03-24T10:39:00.002-05:00

And it's good news. I mean REALLY freakin' good news. Click here, go to view photos, and use the password 0311leach. It'll explain EVERYTHING, I promise. Hurry, though --- photos will only be up through March 27th or so!

Still ekeing out a few more bucks!

2011-02-26T22:29:00.011-06:00

So, the good news is that the scrapbooking half of the consignment thing went really well. I brought back almost none of the scrapbooking stuff I took. Bad news is that virtually all of the stamps are now back home. I guess rubberstampers just didn't come to the sale, or they were looking for stamps other than the ones I had. So, one last ditch effort & please pass the word along to your rubberstamping buddies. Here's what I'm offloading, for a mere $2/stamp:

(Only the sea-themed & square acrylic ones remain)

(Cheerfully Slaving, YinYang, and Cat/Mouse are up for grabs)

(Butterfly, Butterfly Fairy Boy, and Flying Girl are up for grabs)

(Climbing Roses & Broomstick are up for Grabs)

(Chocolate Heart & Grinning Guy are up for grabs)

(All but Brain are up for grabs)

(All but Blue Dragon are up for grabs)

Stamps not yet pictured: Clouds, Rock, Fleur de Lis, Celtic Knots, Christmas Angel, Christmas Heart, Happy Holidays Border, Solid Square, New Waves, Playful Kitten, Chinese Dragon Square, Mickey Mouse head, Waves & Dots pattern, Bouncing Tigger. If you want to see any of these unphoto'd ones, let me know & I'll get to scanning/photographing them!

I'm willing to sell 'em pretty cheaply -- just $2 per stamp, when many of them retail for $8 or more -- but the buyer's just GOT to pick up the actual cost of shipping!

(edit: Just deleted a few stamps that people asked for. THANKS!)

Yay! ... pages getting done

2011-02-21T12:41:00.002-06:00

I'm slowly but surely completing some pages from our Disney trip in December 2009!

More books added!

2011-02-18T08:25:00.002-06:00

Yay! I received some more books from a few friends & have added them to my half.com store. All proceeds go directly towards adoption expenses. Between both agencies, we're looking at a total cost of $40,000. YIKES. Click here if you want some books. *grin* Feel free to share with friends. I'm going to take my stamping & scrapbooking stuff to a consignment sale next weekend, too!

Upward trend

2011-02-17T10:50:00.000-06:00

Tuesday was hard. We got turned down by another birthmother. I found out about it right after I had lunch with a good friend.

Wednesday was better. The day went by without nary a glitch. At least until 10 pm, when I had a work crisis I had to field. Still. It was better than several days in the last many weeks.

Today is another improvement. My cup is filling up. This is good.

I swear, I'm trying.

2011-02-14T08:23:00.002-06:00

I really am. I'm trying to be positive, but man ... the hits just keep on coming.

We had a pretty decent weekend. I spent some time with friends, which was a great recharge to my soul. And with one exception, I ate wonderfully nutritious & healthy meals. And got in some exercise on both days.

Yesterday afternoon, I noted it was suddenly especially cold in the master bathroom ... because there is a 1 1/2" hole smashed through the glass in the window.

We received the video camera from the national adoption agency, along with instructions that are pretty much useless because they've apparently cut and pasted from other documents. No proofreading was done here, I can assure you. Or if there was, their proofreader should be shot for dereliction of duty and then fired. Not to mention that we are absolutely not at our best, and that we don't really like being caught on video, and that we have little time, and a whole host of other things about this project we dislike. Suffice to say, it's a chore, not fun.

So, I got shorted on sleep last night, because we read over all the criteria for the multiple interviews & shots & stuff for the video. So, now I've been shorted on sleep for maybe 4 days in a row?

And I get a call from Ken this morning ... his maternal grandma died a few hours ago.

I mean ... come ON!!!!!! I am trying to be positive here, but every time I manage to dig my way out, another brick gets tossed on my head.

Best thing about today so far: fresh strawberries. Because, yeah, I weighed myself and my weight is continuing to climb. Not fair. Not fair, notfair,NOTFAIR.

Strawberries are mighty tasty, though. And today is Valentine's Day. And I'm going out to dinner with my honey. And he's making me some kind of special dessert.

It will get better. It will. It just HAS to.

Regroup

2011-02-12T16:29:00.003-06:00

My honey & I agree: the last 6 weeks has just been unbelievably brutal. We've endured a LOT. both of us are stretched paper-thin. We are vigorously pursuing friendship-time and couple-time, because it is just vital. We've had a couple more rounds of "the birthmother has chosen another family," which is just heartbreaking. We also had our required bi-annual home inspection, done for the 5th time, which means we've been approved-and-waiting for exactly 2 years. The adoption process is an enormous strain. Our best coping skills are handicapped as we try to rustle up more cash, working longer hours, and not planning vacations. We contemplate freeing up some money to be able to travel, but we cannot really savor the anticipation (or use it to hang hopes on), because it might be canceled suddenly. I started gathering little outfits for Future Baby, but it aches to do that because there's no one to wear them. Well-intended folk are now no longer saying "hang in there, we had friends adopt and it took them just over a year -- surely any day now..." and they have started saying "I know someone who took 5 years to adopt, but she's so happy." If this is where we are at 2 years, I cannot even begin to envision 5. We're trying to be positive, and we're doing our best to support each other, and we're gathering some awesome support from friends ... but I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel almost every day. Soon, we'll need to start recording video for the national agency to put online ... and I have to say I'm distinctly unthrilled, because I'm probably at my worst. Lowest energy, highest weight, worst attitude. Calgon, take me away.

Blizzard!

2011-02-02T10:16:00.002-06:00

I love snow. And being buried in 18" of snowfall, with 4' drifts, and getting up at 6 am to shovel for 2 hours, so my husband can get to work ... hasn't diminished that love one iota.

I am convinced that January is out to get me.

2011-01-30T21:58:00.000-06:00

We're scheduled to have a blizzard on February 1st. This will be a vast improvement on January 2011.

A whole day of catching up

2011-01-22T18:04:00.002-06:00

Last week, my part time job increased my hours. Good for revenue, bad for sanity. I mean, I'm already working a full time job. When I took this job a year ago (exactly a year ago yesterday), I thought I'd keep it until we adopted & then it'd be up for reevaluation. Well, here I am, a year older ... and the job is really not a good fit for me at all. I will be talking with my boss on Wednesday to let her know that, too. She's a good egg & a huge part of the reason I've stayed. That and the fact I really enjoy what I do when I'm there. The only problem is that the hours I'm there are the hours I really need for other things, and it crowds the rest of my life so badly that I wind up doing things like spending almost an entire Saturday, just playing catch up on all the things I typically would've done throughout the work week.

But the good news is that we're slowly but surely detaching ourselves from Chase (who screwed us over royally), by moving everything over to another local bank. Much more friendly & personal & not trying to sell us anything. Cripes, the folks at Chase tried to sell stuff to me even as I said, "I am taking all the money out of this account & closing it." GET A HINT!

Also today I managed to get color copies for our local adoption agency's profile. We needed 5 updated color copies. We've not got them & I just need to get them in the mail. So, that is done, thank goodness. I even managed to use an old copy card I got from Office Depot to defray the cost by about $10.

We picked up cat food ... groceries ... bread ... and now I have dish soap. Little things, but seriously -- I ran out of dish soap on Sunday (the stuff I need for handwashing our nice knives & pots & pans) & didn't have any time to get to the store between now and then. Yeah. I am waaay too busy.

I'm going to pull out some photos from our December 2009 trip to Walt Disney World & see if I can start assembling some items for when I do some scrapbooking tomorrow. And if I can find more stuff to sell at a local scrapbooking & sticker consignment sale thing that's the last weekend in February. Hey, every buck counts, right. We're doing what we can to get some more cash together for the adoption fund, and I've still got my half.com store going strong (got some more books from a friend yesterday!), but I think it's about time to let the craigslist thing go. It just seems to attract weirdos & junk mail.

Side Jobs

2011-01-14T23:07:00.001-06:00

Side Jobs: Stories From the Dresden Files by Jim Butcher

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Once again, Jim Butcher earns a place of pride on my bookshelf. Every story was appealing and interesting in its own way. For fans of the Dresden Files, this book provides a glimpse into many secondary characters' backstories ... and also provides a whole lot of chuckles, tense moments, and pieces of sheer glory. Can hardly wait for Ghost Story!

View all my reviews

First 13 days of 2011

2011-01-13T11:58:00.002-06:00

Some interesting things so far this year ...
(1) Found out my gas card was canceled, the hard way, when I went to get gas and it was denied. Further investigation reveals that our credit cards have all had their credit limits dropped to within about $100 each of their current balance. So much for paying down our credit cards so we'll have some "room," when we need to travel for the adoption process. Fit. To. Be. Tied.
(2) My honey cut off the tip of his left-hand ring finger while trying to cut little toasts out of sourdough bread. It resulted in a trip to the ER. He's meeting with his primary care physician later today so we can get an inkling if it's healing well enough, 4 days later, to just let it keep going or if it'll need plastic surgery. God, I hope not.
(3) We're changing gyms. The one we've been at for almost 8 years has changed its programming, and for $125/month for the 2 of us, it's not worth it, even if it's literally 3.5 minutes away from home.
(4) My part-time gig has evolved into a 0.25 FTE job. My full time job ... well, it's still a full time job. I am going to burn out pretty fast. I can already tell, because when it was only 6 hours a week, it was getting hard to manage lately. I took the job on just so we could pay off our credit cards (uh, see #1 above, right? Grrr.) and get some funds for the adoption process. I figured that when we adopted, I'd revisit if I wanted to keep it or not. I never thought it'd be a whole year later & I'd still have it. I'm meeting with my supervisor in 2 weeks to let her know my thoughts & concerns.
(5) I'm burning out on the whole online sale thing for Craigslist, Amazon, Half.com, and Ebay. I think that at the end of the month, I'll post things for one last hurrah ... and if they aren't gone by the middle of February, I just need to let it go. Too much of a headache. Okay, the Half.com stuff isn't ... it's easy to maintain, but the "inventory" is taking up a ridiculous amount of space.
(6) I'm trying to be positive, I really am ... but 2011 is not being very nice to me thus far. It seems like every 72 hours I get a "WHAMMO! Adjust to this, bitch!" notice from the universe. I'll figure it all out ... just one step at a time, right? A huge shout out to Kim, River, Jason, & Barbara, 'cause I know you've all got my back!!!

Journal Your Christmas 2010 Album completed!

2011-01-04T20:26:00.002-06:00

Well, I've completed the album. We enjoyed it on the coffee table for about 1 day & now it's been packed away with the rest of the Christmas stuff.

The title was pure happenstance. I was already set on the big 2010 in white ... but I ran across those really old typewriter key letters purely by accident. I like the way it turned out.

And I am a lover of all things snowflake related & was able to make good use of this charm I scrounged from a fellow JYC'r in years past!

All in all, I am glad I participated for a 5th year & feel I documented some things that were unique about this year!

Journal Your Christmas, January 1st

2011-01-01T21:36:00.002-06:00

In the past 4 years, I've done all the way through the 12th day of Christmas with Shimelle ... but this year, I feel like I'm reaching a natural resting spot with today's page, so I'm calling my journal DONE. I'll post a photo of the completed album tomorrow, when the lighting is decent. I just finished decorating the cover tonight.

Here's my page for today:

Here's to a magnificent New Year.

And now, time for more Black Jack Justice* with my honey, whilst we sip tea & enjoy a cookie or two.

*if you're not familiar with this podcast, you really should check it out. It appeals to a wide variety of tastes & ages, and is set during the Golden Age of Radio, although it's being produced currently by Decoder Ring Theatre. You can find the first couple of seasons on iTunes or you can download 'em through the link I've provided above. A half hour of good clean fun, with a few chuckles and chortles thrown in for good measure. Or at least we do laugh a fair amount while we listen to it.

Journal Your Christmas, December 31st

2010-12-31T21:38:00.001-06:00

Well, we've done our annual journal & reflected on 2010. It's been a year like no other ... so it's not too surprising that it's ending like no other. Today was just plain weird.

Journal Your Christmas, December 29th & 30th

2010-12-30T16:16:00.002-06:00

Just when I thought I wouldn't know what to do with my "free" day on the 29th, in terms of theming ... DH failed in his self-appointed duty for light removal & second check for ornaments ... and as a result, we've lost an ornament that we purchased the year we got married.

The past 2 weeks have seen me doing a lot of reviewing about the year, so it was interesting to go through the photos & decide what I wanted to highlight, and therefore, keep close to memory. most of it had to do with new adventures and tried-and-true relationships!

Journal Your Christmas, December 28th

2010-12-28T20:42:00.001-06:00

The theme for today is "indulgence." As it happens, I took a picture of our kitchen cabinet last night, just to document how it looks. And thus, it became part of posterity. And my posterior's getting a bit on the large side.

Journal Your Christmas, December 26th & 27th

2010-12-27T20:45:00.001-06:00

I decided to record some of the things we were actually doing on these days.

The 26th called for a bit of a photo collage (a freebie I got at my local CVS store. Sweet.):

The 27th, though, was photo-less. I did, however, snag the watercolored "thank you" that my husband made with his new watercolors & resist crayons, as he was only using it to take a photo that he texted his brother. I was happy to repurpose it & include 3 years' worth of gift lists, which I use to write my own thank you notes!

Journal Your Christmas, December 25th

2010-12-25T14:44:00.002-06:00

I couldn't resist making a page for today, just from leftovers. I used some wonderfully smelling wrapping paper (red with embossed reindeers) from a package of Lush goodies & then used several tags leftover from gifts. Each of them will bring back memories in years to come!

And here are a couple more photos from the last 24 hours:

Journal Your Christmas, December 24th

2010-12-24T10:14:00.002-06:00

I am pleased to report that I've got nothing on the schedule today, except to relax. I need to run to the grocery store to buy ingredients for our dinner - pizza! - and that's pretty much it. Snow has started to gently fall, from a party sunny sky. Very pretty. I've got my JYC page done for today & am just going to R-E-L-A-X!

Journal Your Christmas, December 23rd

2010-12-23T23:19:00.001-06:00

I am so geeked about my new winter coat, a gift from my friend, Kim!

Journal Your Christmas, December 21st

2010-12-23T21:45:00.002-06:00

I had to wait to do this page until I could print out the photo I took on the 21st. I am pretty happy, as it highlights not only my new snowflake carousel candle, but also my attempt at "bokeh", those circular fuzzy lights in the background.

I also got the photo from today printed out -- a story I want to document more than the stockings entry posited by Shimelle, which I've done for 4 years. Time for new stories!

Journal Your Christmas, December 22nd

2010-12-23T08:14:00.003-06:00

I've only got a couple of things left to do.

And they're all getting done today. Sweet. And snow's in the forecast for tomorrow. Currently, a 70% change. Oh, I hope, I hope, I hope!

Journal Your Christmas, December 20th

2010-12-22T21:31:00.002-06:00

As Merrick pointed out in response to this post, I kind of already had my surprise page figured out. I mean I didn't know that until (a) Merrick mentioned it and (b) I finally caught up on Shimelle's prompts to realize I was looking for a surprise to document.

So, I used my cutest paper (new stuff from Echo Park that I'd just bought from House of Paper), fished out a Hello Kitty die cut that had fallen off a fridge magnet, and used as much bling as I could find. Cute + Hello Kitty + bling = Lani. Or at least it does in my mind.

Journal Your Christmas, December 19th

2010-12-22T09:40:00.002-06:00

I seem to be running a couple of days behind, no matter what I do, so I'll just run with it.

Yesterday was really emotionally rough. I talked to a good friend & to my husband, about our adoption process. I feel tremendously supported by friends and family, but it's getting hard to "keep the faith." Well intended comments of "it'll happen" and "someday" just fall flat. I'm deeply wounded & I haven't yet figured my path out of this. I do have some more clarity that I need to stop trying so hard - there is absolutely no correlation between my expending energy and a baby arriving on our doorstep. I really am not a fan of being unable to influence the situation, but I am reminded that I've done all I can & need to let go. Easier said than done.

So, that's the reason for the simple plea to Santa.

In other developments ...

2010-12-20T11:44:00.004-06:00

My brain is so very full. So, as a gift to myself this holiday season, I'm taking a week off from having my online "stores" open. I'm thrilled to raise more money for the adoption process, but I need a break.

And speaking of money for the adoption process, you have to hear this story. I was stunned to receive a $100 donation from my best friend from middle school, Lani. I mean that we keep in touch & she's always been a sweet human being, but I just couldn't fathom why she'd suddenly feel so generous. The story is precious. I'll let her tell it in her own words, after I commented on how much she's like a magic pixie:

"I have a funny story to tell you about $100....About a month ago, I found a $100 bill on the street. In Manhattan. I really did. Just like a movie. I stopped and looked around, to see if anyone was missing it, but no one was there. (And I know better than to go up to strangers and ask them if they lost $100.) Anyway, I had to ask my bf if it was real (because I don't think I've seen one since I was a waitress, but he works in retail so he knows). He said it was. So I thought, hm, I want to do something *really special* with it! But what????? And see - I found something! So it really DID find its way to you through magic!! :)"

So there you have it. In some ways, it feels like the Universe is guiding us closer to becoming parents. And in other ways, it feels like it's just laughing its ass off at us. Like when the person who organized the fundraising raffle left a very hurtful voicemail saying what a disappointment I was to have failed to thank any of the donors. Yeah ... uh that was because she never gave me a list. Since she's the one who solicited the donations, and I'm no mind-reader, I couldn't thank anybody. And yeah, uh, I asked for the list & she just didn't give it to me! It stung like hell to be told "I hope that if you're ever fortunate enough to become parents you'll show more love and kindness towards that child than you did to anyone who was part of the raffle."

And that's when I think about Lani & her bright smile & our friendship throughout middle school, learning origami & calligraphy, caring for her guinea pig Fuz & my rat Peppermint, walking to school and talking, and mooning over Hello Kitty gear. And I think about how some people shine bright & are truly the best example of humanity.

That's about the time I start smiling & tearing up & feeling just dandy.

So, thanks, Lani. For way more than you know.

Journal Your Christmas, December 16th - 18th

2010-12-20T09:51:00.001-06:00

Slowly but surely, as I pare away things from everyday workload & holiday extras, I am catching up on my pages!

Journal Your Christmas, December 15th

2010-12-18T19:11:00.003-06:00

I've been trying to use the things I hoard, so I parted with a fun, old library bit ... plus some Susan Branch (I think) Christmas stickers!

Fruit Soup recipe

2010-12-18T09:18:00.002-06:00

I asked my mom-in-law for the fruit soup recipe (I'd had it stored on the computer before it fried, but that didn't help me, now that I have many folks inquiring), and she provided it to me. She also mentioned that I will not find it in any cookbook, because she invented it while she was pregnant with my husband's older sister! So, I am loathe to post it into the world of the internet, but if you are interested, I will share it with you via email, as long as you promise to give her credit! *smile* So, let me know if you want it & I'll share it! It is quite tasty, and most of it should be prepared the day before, with just a finishing touch on Christmas morning.

Journal Your Christmas, December 14th

2010-12-17T14:40:00.001-06:00

I decided to write about how much we love charitable giving this time of year!

Journal Your Christmas, December 13th

2010-12-16T11:49:00.001-06:00

The holiday song that makes me happiest can be found here. Ken just wants me to stop playing it, hence the use of the Quiet sticker!!

Journal Your Christmas, December 9th - 12th

2010-12-13T13:12:00.002-06:00

Finally I'm caught up! And yes, your eyes are not playing tricks on you. I am doing both 8 x 8 and 8 1/2 x 11 pages, using up old page protectors.

Journal Your Christmas, December 8th

2010-12-12T04:42:00.000-06:00

Oh, and we got our camera back. Just in time for Cookie Day!

Journal Your Christmas, December 7th

2010-12-12T04:08:00.001-06:00

Lagging behind ... but between the frustrating-sad news on Friday & gearing up for Cookie Day at 1 pm today ... it's understandable. I'll probably catch up later tonight or tomorrow.

Denied.

2010-12-10T15:10:00.003-06:00

I'm several days behind on my Journal Your Christmas. A by-product of the pre-Cookie Day frenzy for the most part. And my working extra hours. Today's work day, though, is shorter than other days this week. Which meant I was able to field the call from the adoption agency. To find out that a prospective birthmother that viewed our profile ... has chosen another family.

For the most part, we're unaware of when our profile is being shown, but occasionally, when a situation has a component the agency's not sure we're 100% okay with, they run it past us to be certain. Totally makes sense and it needs to be done. It also means we're on pins and needles until we hear the results.

Well, not too many pins and needles. About now, we're feeling pretty numb. It's hard to get excited about the possibility of being selected when it has failed to happen time and time again. So, there's the update. My heart feels like it has another crack in it, but the news isn't having a huge emotional impact.

Journal Your Christmas, December 6th

2010-12-07T18:18:00.002-06:00

I was thinking about how Christmases have been different, good or bad. And then I was looking in past years' journals & seeing how in both 2008 and 2009, I wrote words about hoping an adoption would come through in the following year. So, it felt appropriate to write about how it'd take a miracle for this Christmas to bring us what we really want.

Journal Your Christmas, December 5th

2010-12-06T09:41:00.001-06:00

The internet went down last night, right after I scanned the page. Grrr. So annoying. Anyway, as I start a very busy week, here's Sunday's page. We'll see if I can keep up the rest of the week, or if I lag behind as pressure builds as we prep for Cookie Day.

Journal Your Christmas, December 4th

2010-12-04T19:45:00.002-06:00

Today was pretty damned close to perfect. In the wake of being sick for two weeks (I'm just now off cold & cough medicine for 24 hours!), it was sheer delight to spend most of my day just having fun with my honey.

Glad I could document all of today's adventures. Grey skies & about 3 1/2" of snowfall made for some interesting photos & opportunities. I always thought it'd be cool to visit downtown Chicago amidst snowy weather, and this was just perfect. And ending our afternoon with hot cocoa, cookies, and the new snowflake candle? Doesn't get much better.

Journal Your Christmas, December 3rd

2010-12-03T16:20:00.002-06:00

I'm getting quite excited. The latest forecast is predicting 3"-5" of snow between tonight and tomorrow evening. Sweet!

I made today's page using a card I'd hoarded from 2007, made by my scrapbooking buddy, Linda, who I had the privilege of meeting in person last year. Was it just last year? Feels like it was a long, long time ago!

I wrote out 2 more cards today. Slowly but surely they'll all get out. I received my first card of the season in today's mail, from my husband's former painting instructor. Today's been busy enough, I've not even had a chance to open it!

Journal Your Christmas, December 2nd

2010-12-02T22:13:00.001-06:00

Anyone who knows me is familiar with my love of snow. We have a light dusting that's managed to survive more than 24 hours. I can hardly wait for the first REAL snowfall of the season.

Oh, please, please,, please let's have snow tomorrow night! I'd love to wake up Saturday to a white landscape!

Journal Your Christmas, December 1st

2010-12-01T21:45:00.002-06:00

It's the first of December, so it's time to start my annual Christmas album, using Shimelle Laine's Journal Your Christmas class as a starting point. This is my 5th year doing her class, and I'm not quite sure where this album will take me, but it's always interesting. I decided to document just random thoughts from today, and how I'm feeling calmer than maybe I should.

I thought about adding a bit that we really thought we'd be parents by now, but I opted not to. I'm sure that'll work its way into the album in some form. It's bittersweet ... the past 2 years of albums have made reference to our hope for adoption, and it's hard to contemplate that nothing's come of it yet.

No, I'm not going to see a doctor.

2010-11-30T14:10:00.003-06:00

Yes, I feel like crap.

No, I'm not going to see a doctor.

This isn't strep. It isn't the flu. It's a really nasty head cold. Plain and simple. I have intermittent congestion, and a cough. A cough that gets worse when I talk. And then I get a splitting headache. And I am not sleeping well.

This does not warrant me going to the doctor. It warrants me getting rest. Period.

And if I hear one more goddamned time that being sleep deprived is good practice for when I have a newborn, I'm going to shoot someone in the face. I do not need practice at being sleep deprived. And if I were feeling as crappy then as I am now, at least I'd be better off in that I was a parent.

So shut up. I've had it.

There.

Thanks for letting me vent. I'm going to go curl up with my vile Robitussin, a box of Kleenex, and brew myself some more tea. God I am sick of tea.

I haven't fallen off the face of the earth, I swear

2010-11-23T15:24:00.003-06:00

So, after the raffle, we did a little weekend getaway. We didn't know if we were going to be able to pull it off, but with cheap airfares & a freebie ticket, and us being super-frugal with our food, we did 4 days at Walt Disney World!!

We've gotten pretty good at cutting corners & finding deals, and watching our pennies, so I was very pleased we were able to do a weekend for a couple hundred bucks, including the delicious "Mickey Premium Bar" you see above.

The only downside to the trip was that my honey dropped our digital SLR camera (yeah, the nice one you can see in the header on my blog) on the concrete. The LCD screen was toast & we couldn't tell if it was taking pictures or not. We pulled all the pictures off the camera card when we got home & found out that it was taking fine pictures.

Okay, so that one has a bit of blur ... but the tiger was moving. Note: tigers are BIG animals.

Anyway, when we got back, we hit the ground running. Suddenly, my days were completely full, both with work & with more sales from the half.com, amazon.com, craigslist, and eBay sites. Very good from a revenue perspective ... but I was really getting worn thin.

This past weekend I ran errands, did some holiday shopping (normally I'm mostly done by now, but the past 2 months I've been so focused on the adoption related stuff, I've only squared away TWO gifts, of about 24 needed!!), and met up with several friends I'd not seen in a while.

Well, yesterday I woke up congested & thought I'd shake it. Nope. I'm down for the count. I took a sick day today & I'm just focusing on staying warm, drinking tea, and trying to send myself healing vibes. Since it's healing for me to connect with others & to feel "caught up," I feel justified in posting here. *grin*

Raffle was a huge success!

2010-11-07T15:12:00.003-06:00

We had the raffle drawing today, at half-time during the Bears game, at a local restaurant/pub. Here are the baskets with items from local area donors:

It was very cool to see the people who turned out to support us - a real warm fuzzy to have my parents & some friends come! Here's my yoga instructor & her mentor, buying tickets!

And it was cool that the patrons were supportive of us -- some of the guys joked that if they won a basket, they also wanted weekend visitation! I told them sure, as long as they take the kid(s) to some sporting events!!! They sold tickets right down to the wire.

Here's the event organizer, Robin, her daughter Jessica, and me!

The first prize basket went to a guy named Dave, who had just purchased a ticket that day, from one of Robin's kids. The 2nd prize basket went to one of the guys who works at my husband's office. And the 3rd prize basket went to a lady who'd bought a ticket in the past couple of weeks from the restaurant's staff!

The net result is that we're $618 closer to our goal, and the amount we needs is getting smaller and smaller!! Thank you to everyone who helped and who pitched in and who just generally are thinking great thoughts for us!!!

Moving in the right direction

2010-11-03T22:33:00.003-05:00

So, an update on the raffle: Out of the $300 of tickets the 2 of us were given to sell, we've got only $35 left, plus several people have made some cash donations in lieu of entering the raffle, so I'm pretty excited, because this means we've raised at least $300! We're getting very close to our goal!

I've also managed to get about 1/3 of the carpeting steam-cleaned ... and it felt so good to tackle this project. Now that the air is drier, it's easier to do this, because it only takes a few hours for the carpeting to dry completely! I hope to tackle the remaining 2/3 before my parents arrive Saturday afternoon.

We pursued a lead with respect to a birthmother, but reached a dead end when we found the expenses related to her situation far exceeded our budget. Frustrating, but we're not overly stunned. Even though our budget seems like a ridiculous amount of money to us, we're really at the low end of costs compared to other hopeful adoptive parents.

We've had many people ask us how they can help. Right now, just send some positive energy into the universe! And if you've got leftover stuff for newborns, we'll happily accept it! Other than that, we just have to wait for a birthmother to pick us. If we're still waiting to be parents in another 6 months, we might do another fundraiser of some kind. I am trying to figure out if I can make something (potholders, trivets, who-knows-what) to sell and raise more money. I may just start combing through my craft supplies and start making random things to put up for sale!

One week to go

2010-10-31T20:41:00.002-05:00

Until the raffle! I have to say that we're getting pretty excited. A friend of ours wrote up a news article & has distributed it to several media outlets. I have no idea if anyone will pick it up. I know that the 2 of us have sold $180 of raffle tickets by ourselves & that the person who's organizing it is selling more & has many on hand at the local restaurant where we'll have the drawing next Sunday.

I keep listing stuff on Craiglist & eBay, and have books back up for sale on half.com and Amazon. I've also been trading on SwapMamas for baby care items, so we'll have a small stash at the ready. Every dollar gets us closer to bringing a baby home ... and to getting stuff for the baby!

I'd posted a while back about stuff that I wanted to get done. I've managed the following: haircut for me, new sneakers for my sweetie, most of the herbs harvested, and most of the bills paid. Still feels like we're being nickled & dimed to death. I started to make cathedral window squares to have a portable sewing project & I've asked a good friend to show me a crochet stitch for me to work on. I just do so much better when I have someone do a stitch in front of me.

Still need to steam clean the carpets (probably a project for tomorrow night or Tuesday evening). I need to post more items on Craigslist (it's so time consuming to get pictures & then write up descriptions, but I think it helps a LOT to sell the stuff), and I have some boxes to pack up & send out. I'm starting to feel like I'm on top of things. Feels good.

So the cats didn't throw up.

2010-10-29T09:05:00.003-05:00

But I received a $587 medical bill.

I am stunned & outraged. I am so mad I am actually shaking.

Two weeks ago, I went into the doctor's office for a blood draw. (I started Lipitor about 6 weeks ago & they needed to check to make sure it wasn't doing anything wacky to me.) The head nurse said she was having a hard time finding a vein & asked if I was a hard stick. Nope. Never been difficult for anyone to draw my blood. She said she just couldn't do it (this was after she'd dug around in my arm with a needle. Never had THAT happen before, either.) and that "If I can't get it, we can just send you downstairs to the lab." (The office is affiliated with a hospital.)

At that point I'm thinking "I've been fasting for 16 hours. I don't want to drive all the way back here (took us 45 minutes to get there that morning, between distance and traffic). I just want this done. Sounds like they do this kind of thing all the time. Let's just get it done."

So, they write up the order, like they DO this kind of thing all the time, and I go downstairs and get the blood drawn, totally expecting a bill like my husband's had for the same service from this doctor's office. Nope. $587. It's TEN TIMES more expensive.

Now, here's the part that pisses me off. Because of this nurse's incompetence & lack of intelligence, *I* am being billed??! Not my fault that she couldn't draw my blood ... and I would've gladly have done it MANY other places or at different time or come up with a totally innovative solution had I KNOWN it would be FIVE HUNDRED AND EIGHTY SEVEN DOLLARS! Her blithe "Oh, we'll just send you downstairs" implies she has a working relationship with them ... and knows how much they charge ... and I believe it's HER responsibility to let me know its 10x what they would charge me. All she had to do was say "I could send you down to the lab, but I don't know what they'd charge." That's what *I* would've said.

I called this morning to talk to the hospital, to make sure the charges were right. And then I called the doctor's office & spoke with the head nurse. Her position is that it's not her responsibility to know what the hospital will charge me. My position is that it totally IS her responsibility if (a) it's a very routine test and (b) she's sending me as though she does it all the damned time.

GAH!!!!! Because you know we just have money laying around the house for just this sort of thing.

I am calm. Look at how Zen I am.

2010-10-28T11:24:00.003-05:00

Car probably broken beyond repair. Okay. I can adjust.

On Demand doesn't work for my morning workout with a friend. That's okay. I'm just happy that we'd already planned it was at my house so I didn't have to do backflips to figure something out.

I've got some old VHS tapes with workouts on them.

Except now, the VHS machine doesn't work. Yeah. Okay. We'll go for a walk. Yup. That works.

I get home & realize that somehow, a candle was apparently in the sunlight of our bay window during a really sunny day. And black wax has dripped all over the teak table.

I'm just waiting for one of the cats to throw up.

I'm not much into the hard selling ...

2010-10-20T21:08:00.002-05:00

... so I've just been distributing flyers about the raffle* & I've been taken aback by the people who come looking for me a day later with money in hand, asking to buy a ticket or 12! And I've had some folks who don't live close by, but who are in Chicagoland, who've wanted to buy some tickets, so I've found a way to get those to them, too. And now ... I've had some internet buds ask where they can get tickets! So, in an attempt to creatively field those requests, here goes!

If you're interested in getting in on the raffle but don't live close enough I can get tickets to you easily, here's my solution:

1) Click on this here donate button:

2) For every 10 dollars you donate, I'll write your name and email address on 11 raffle tickets, and put 'em in the raffle. (Uh, so make sure you note your name & email address in the notes section and/or use an email address to make the donation that's one I can actually find you at.)

3)If you win one of the 3 gift baskets (drawing to be held on November 7th), I'll find a way to disassemble it & ship it to you. Or if you have another person it should be sent to, I'll send it to them, instead. Your call!

*no idea what I'm referring to? Click here or scroll down by a few posts.

Now, with more coverage!

2010-10-19T22:55:00.002-05:00

Well, as of yesterday afternoon, we've been activated with the new, nation-wide agency. So, we should have a wider dispersal of our profile. Or at least that is the hope. Wish us luck & keep us in your prayers. We're about $2,000 shy of the next chunk of funds that will be due as soon as we match. We're so very appreciative of everyone who's pitched in and helped out in their own way! Time, funds, goods, hugs -- it's all just tremendously meaningful to us.

I'm now entering a 'nesting' phase. I feel compelled to get as much squared away as possible, before we get The Call. It could happen tomorrow ... it could happen in months ... or years. No way to predict. Trust me, it's hard.

For now, I'll be happy if I can do the following:
1) Get the carpets steam cleaned.
2) Get a haircut. (Uh, my last hair cut was 4/22. I need it.)
3) Get portable sewing and crocheting projects packed up so I'll have something to keep me busy during a long drive, long plane trip, and/or long waits at the hotel/hospital.
4) Get the last of the herbs harvested & turned into something usable
5) Get new sneakers for Ken. (The sole on one is starting to flap.)
6) Get caught up on bills now that we're not being nickeled and dimed to death. It'd be really nice to pay things as they come in so we can just head out & not worry about bills not being paid in our absence.

Yeah. If I could get all that done, I'd be really happy. I already have started a "go" bag. I figure if the folks on Criminal Minds need one for last minute travel, it won't hurt for us to have one, either.

And I'm not listing anything else on eBay once the last auction clears. I don't want to have something sell while we're gone. Yeah, I know. Unlikely, but it's one more thing I don't want to have to worry about.

That's the name of the game (as I sit here listening to Crystal Method) -- less stress. 'Cause once we get The Call, we're just along for the ride.

Mind-boggling in more ways than one

2010-10-11T17:27:00.002-05:00

1) The new adoption agency completely freaked us out by sending us paperwork that in no way matched what we'd discussed with them thus far. They are now completely apologetic & state that they realize that this has caused us significant stress & made it difficult for us to feel comfortable with them. They've since sent us a new agreement, which I scanned quickly -- it IS what we expected from them initially. We missed our window of time to get it notarized when we had free time on Friday, and now it'll have to wait until later this week. Not coincidentally, later this week, we'll almost certainly have enough cash on hand to pay our initial $10,000 fee. Good timing, yes?

2) A friend continues to go through her library & has donated more books to us. So, I'm back up to almost 650 books on my half.com store site! Manga, graphic novels, kids' series ... lots of good stuff & more going "active" as I continue going through the garage sale books. And as I go through books to update, I've been pulling all the ones that are worth less than 75 cents. We took 6 bags over to Half Price Books this afternoon & made $25. Every buck counts, so I'm not complaining.

3) Ready for the most mind-boggling bit? I met a neighbor at the garage sale on October 3rd. She remembered what I'd told her about our situation & appeared on my front door step last Thursday morning. She had already laid the groundwork for a raffle to help us raise funds! She's already got several local business owners to make donations & is soliciting more. She's working with a local restaurant, DuPage Inn, that's selling raffle tickets at their bar & on November 7th, they'll hold a drawing during halftime of the Bears game for 3 different gift baskets. Is that cool or what? When I mentioned it on Facebook, a friend's husband commented that this should be the kind of thing shown on the evening news. Another friend, who is a journalist, offered to write up a press release. So, who knows how big this will get??