Thursday, April 30, 2009

It's over!

I went in for my follow up mammogram today & got squished. It wasn't as bad as the last time. Maybe it was the veiled threats & passive-aggressive comments I was making to the technician. I shared this joke as I was waiting to get switched to a 2nd piece of equipment when the first was not performing as expected:

POWER OUTAGE DURING A MAMMOGRAM

I actually kept my mammogram appointment. I was met with, 'Hi! I'm
Belinda!' This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted
her head to one side and crooned, 'All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown. Everything clear?'

I'm thinking, 'Belinda, try decaf. This ain't rocket science.'
 
Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.
 
With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, 'Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so
we can get everything?'
 
Fine, I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me off?
 
My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other boob wedged between those two 4 inch pieces of square glass) when we heard,
then felt a zap! Complete darkness and the power went off! 
 
'Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag.' Belinda headed for the door.
 
'Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone are you?' I shouted.
 
Belinda kept going and said, 'Oh, you fussy puppy...the door's wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be right back.'
 
Before I could shout 'NOOOO!' she disappeared.
 
And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire,found me, half-naked and part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life, and
the other part smashed between glass!
 
After exchanging polite 'Hi, how's it going' type greetings, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was
off.
 
Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible 'Uh, yes, yes I did thanks.'
 
'You bet, take care ' Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been standing in the line at the grocery store.
 
Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin. Making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, 'Oh I am sooo sorry!' The
power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?'
 
And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps...


But I digress. The good news is that they showed me where the spot was on the first images, they were able to take more images & have a doctor look at them right away. So, (a) "it's nothing, come back in a year," and (b) I don't have to do this again for a year! SUCCESS!

3 comments:

Mel said...

((((((((((( you )))))))))))))

I'm relieved for you.
Bless the physician for doing the immediate read.
Omgosh....bless him!

((((((((((( you )))))))))))

Sarah said...

Haven't been round for a while, didn't realise you were having more worries, glad you've got the all clear til next year.

jacquie said...

LOL...that digression story is great!!! Glad you are done with that for another year...YAY!!!