So, is Alexandra going to have a sibling?

As Alexandra approaches her first birthday, I am experiencing a huge upswing in people inquiring if we intend to pursue a 2nd adoption, so she can have a sibling. For the record, I am totally open to adopting another child ... I just cannot for the life of me see how we'd swing it, financially, through an agency. We drained ourselves down to pennies (I kid you not), and it's a very uncomfortable position to be in, especially in this economy. Our daughter is priceless, and I wouldn't change a thing - but the fact remains that even if we went with the local agency, where we've already paid a chunk of fees, we'd still have to come up with $17,500 for the agency and $5,000 for an attorney. I have no clue where that would come from. And, yes, I've applied for grants & loans (almost a dozen of them the first time around) and came up empty.

So then the question is just how much time & energy could I free up doing all of the legwork myself? The answer: not much! My life is very full, and I wouldn't want to miss out on Alexandra's development, on my relationship with husband, or on my professional career by spreading myself even thinner. So, as much as I'd like to be a mom of more than 1 child, I don't want it enough to sacrifice what feels like a pretty perfect life right now. So, if you've to the urge to ask The Question -- there's your answer!

I'd love for my daughter to have a sibling for a variety of reasons ... so if anyone reading this knows of someone who is considering an adoption plan, feel free to put that person in touch with me! We could certainly swing the legal fees, and over the long haul, we could afford RAISING a child ... just not coming up with an extra $20,000 in less than a year. And let's face it ... if we wait until we're 45 to adopt a 2nd child, that means when that child graduates high school, we'll be 63. And that just isn't fair to the kid. My own parents are almost 68, and one of them is contending with some major medical issues - I would NOT want to put that burden on a young adult barely out of college!

It's an odd position to be in ... wanting something, but not wanting to risk what I already have. I suppose it's because Alexandra is so very precious to me. We waited so very long to have her, I just don't want to miss out on anything, you know what I mean?

Okay, so inquiring minds have been satisfied ... and I've got my thoughts off my chest. I think that's probably enough for a random Saturday night. I'm going to go look at my cute, sleeping sweetie & then read for a bit in bed.