Journal Your Christmas, December 31st

Well, we've done our annual journal & reflected on 2010. It's been a year like no other ... so it's not too surprising that it's ending like no other. Today was just plain weird.

Journal Your Christmas, December 29th & 30th

Just when I thought I wouldn't know what to do with my "free" day on the 29th, in terms of theming ... DH failed in his self-appointed duty for light removal & second check for ornaments ... and as a result, we've lost an ornament that we purchased the year we got married.



The past 2 weeks have seen me doing a lot of reviewing about the year, so it was interesting to go through the photos & decide what I wanted to highlight, and therefore, keep close to memory. most of it had to do with new adventures and tried-and-true relationships!

Journal Your Christmas, December 28th

The theme for today is "indulgence." As it happens, I took a picture of our kitchen cabinet last night, just to document how it looks. And thus, it became part of posterity. And my posterior's getting a bit on the large side.

Journal Your Christmas, December 26th & 27th

I decided to record some of the things we were actually doing on these days.

The 26th called for a bit of a photo collage (a freebie I got at my local CVS store. Sweet.):



The 27th, though, was photo-less. I did, however, snag the watercolored "thank you" that my husband made with his new watercolors & resist crayons, as he was only using it to take a photo that he texted his brother. I was happy to repurpose it & include 3 years' worth of gift lists, which I use to write my own thank you notes!

Journal Your Christmas, December 25th

I couldn't resist making a page for today, just from leftovers. I used some wonderfully smelling wrapping paper (red with embossed reindeers) from a package of Lush goodies & then used several tags leftover from gifts. Each of them will bring back memories in years to come!



And here are a couple more photos from the last 24 hours:

Journal Your Christmas, December 24th

I am pleased to report that I've got nothing on the schedule today, except to relax. I need to run to the grocery store to buy ingredients for our dinner - pizza! - and that's pretty much it. Snow has started to gently fall, from a party sunny sky. Very pretty. I've got my JYC page done for today & am just going to R-E-L-A-X!

Journal Your Christmas, December 23rd

I am so geeked about my new winter coat, a gift from my friend, Kim!

Journal Your Christmas, December 21st

I had to wait to do this page until I could print out the photo I took on the 21st. I am pretty happy, as it highlights not only my new snowflake carousel candle, but also my attempt at "bokeh", those circular fuzzy lights in the background.



I also got the photo from today printed out -- a story I want to document more than the stockings entry posited by Shimelle, which I've done for 4 years. Time for new stories!

Journal Your Christmas, December 22nd

I've only got a couple of things left to do.



And they're all getting done today. Sweet. And snow's in the forecast for tomorrow. Currently, a 70% change. Oh, I hope, I hope, I hope!

Journal Your Christmas, December 20th

As Merrick pointed out in response to this post, I kind of already had my surprise page figured out. I mean I didn't know that until (a) Merrick mentioned it and (b) I finally caught up on Shimelle's prompts to realize I was looking for a surprise to document.

So, I used my cutest paper (new stuff from Echo Park that I'd just bought from House of Paper), fished out a Hello Kitty die cut that had fallen off a fridge magnet, and used as much bling as I could find. Cute + Hello Kitty + bling = Lani. Or at least it does in my mind.

Journal Your Christmas, December 19th

I seem to be running a couple of days behind, no matter what I do, so I'll just run with it.



Yesterday was really emotionally rough. I talked to a good friend & to my husband, about our adoption process. I feel tremendously supported by friends and family, but it's getting hard to "keep the faith." Well intended comments of "it'll happen" and "someday" just fall flat. I'm deeply wounded & I haven't yet figured my path out of this. I do have some more clarity that I need to stop trying so hard - there is absolutely no correlation between my expending energy and a baby arriving on our doorstep. I really am not a fan of being unable to influence the situation, but I am reminded that I've done all I can & need to let go. Easier said than done.

So, that's the reason for the simple plea to Santa.

In other developments ...

My brain is so very full. So, as a gift to myself this holiday season, I'm taking a week off from having my online "stores" open. I'm thrilled to raise more money for the adoption process, but I need a break.

And speaking of money for the adoption process, you have to hear this story. I was stunned to receive a $100 donation from my best friend from middle school, Lani. I mean that we keep in touch & she's always been a sweet human being, but I just couldn't fathom why she'd suddenly feel so generous. The story is precious. I'll let her tell it in her own words, after I commented on how much she's like a magic pixie:

"I have a funny story to tell you about $100....About a month ago, I found a $100 bill on the street. In Manhattan. I really did. Just like a movie. I stopped and looked around, to see if anyone was missing it, but no one was there. (And I know better than to go up to strangers and ask them if they lost $100.) Anyway, I had to ask my bf if it was real (because I don't think I've seen one since I was a waitress, but he works in retail so he knows). He said it was. So I thought, hm, I want to do something *really special* with it! But what????? And see - I found something! So it really DID find its way to you through magic!! :)"

So there you have it. In some ways, it feels like the Universe is guiding us closer to becoming parents. And in other ways, it feels like it's just laughing its ass off at us. Like when the person who organized the fundraising raffle left a very hurtful voicemail saying what a disappointment I was to have failed to thank any of the donors. Yeah ... uh that was because she never gave me a list. Since she's the one who solicited the donations, and I'm no mind-reader, I couldn't thank anybody. And yeah, uh, I asked for the list & she just didn't give it to me! It stung like hell to be told "I hope that if you're ever fortunate enough to become parents you'll show more love and kindness towards that child than you did to anyone who was part of the raffle."

And that's when I think about Lani & her bright smile & our friendship throughout middle school, learning origami & calligraphy, caring for her guinea pig Fuz & my rat Peppermint, walking to school and talking, and mooning over Hello Kitty gear. And I think about how some people shine bright & are truly the best example of humanity.

That's about the time I start smiling & tearing up & feeling just dandy.

So, thanks, Lani. For way more than you know.

Journal Your Christmas, December 16th - 18th

Slowly but surely, as I pare away things from everyday workload & holiday extras, I am catching up on my pages!

Journal Your Christmas, December 15th

I've been trying to use the things I hoard, so I parted with a fun, old library bit ... plus some Susan Branch (I think) Christmas stickers!

Fruit Soup recipe

I asked my mom-in-law for the fruit soup recipe (I'd had it stored on the computer before it fried, but that didn't help me, now that I have many folks inquiring), and she provided it to me. She also mentioned that I will not find it in any cookbook, because she invented it while she was pregnant with my husband's older sister! So, I am loathe to post it into the world of the internet, but if you are interested, I will share it with you via email, as long as you promise to give her credit! *smile* So, let me know if you want it & I'll share it! It is quite tasty, and most of it should be prepared the day before, with just a finishing touch on Christmas morning.

Journal Your Christmas, December 14th

I decided to write about how much we love charitable giving this time of year!

Journal Your Christmas, December 13th

The holiday song that makes me happiest can be found here. Ken just wants me to stop playing it, hence the use of the Quiet sticker!!

Journal Your Christmas, December 9th - 12th

Finally I'm caught up! And yes, your eyes are not playing tricks on you. I am doing both 8 x 8 and 8 1/2 x 11 pages, using up old page protectors.

Journal Your Christmas, December 8th

Oh, and we got our camera back. Just in time for Cookie Day!

Journal Your Christmas, December 7th

Lagging behind ... but between the frustrating-sad news on Friday & gearing up for Cookie Day at 1 pm today ... it's understandable. I'll probably catch up later tonight or tomorrow.

Denied.

I'm several days behind on my Journal Your Christmas. A by-product of the pre-Cookie Day frenzy for the most part. And my working extra hours. Today's work day, though, is shorter than other days this week. Which meant I was able to field the call from the adoption agency. To find out that a prospective birthmother that viewed our profile ... has chosen another family.

For the most part, we're unaware of when our profile is being shown, but occasionally, when a situation has a component the agency's not sure we're 100% okay with, they run it past us to be certain. Totally makes sense and it needs to be done. It also means we're on pins and needles until we hear the results.

Well, not too many pins and needles. About now, we're feeling pretty numb. It's hard to get excited about the possibility of being selected when it has failed to happen time and time again. So, there's the update. My heart feels like it has another crack in it, but the news isn't having a huge emotional impact.

Journal Your Christmas, December 6th

I was thinking about how Christmases have been different, good or bad. And then I was looking in past years' journals & seeing how in both 2008 and 2009, I wrote words about hoping an adoption would come through in the following year. So, it felt appropriate to write about how it'd take a miracle for this Christmas to bring us what we really want.

Journal Your Christmas, December 5th

The internet went down last night, right after I scanned the page. Grrr. So annoying. Anyway, as I start a very busy week, here's Sunday's page. We'll see if I can keep up the rest of the week, or if I lag behind as pressure builds as we prep for Cookie Day.

Journal Your Christmas, December 4th

Today was pretty damned close to perfect. In the wake of being sick for two weeks (I'm just now off cold & cough medicine for 24 hours!), it was sheer delight to spend most of my day just having fun with my honey.



Glad I could document all of today's adventures. Grey skies & about 3 1/2" of snowfall made for some interesting photos & opportunities. I always thought it'd be cool to visit downtown Chicago amidst snowy weather, and this was just perfect. And ending our afternoon with hot cocoa, cookies, and the new snowflake candle? Doesn't get much better.

Journal Your Christmas, December 3rd

I'm getting quite excited. The latest forecast is predicting 3"-5" of snow between tonight and tomorrow evening. Sweet!

I made today's page using a card I'd hoarded from 2007, made by my scrapbooking buddy, Linda, who I had the privilege of meeting in person last year. Was it just last year? Feels like it was a long, long time ago!



I wrote out 2 more cards today. Slowly but surely they'll all get out. I received my first card of the season in today's mail, from my husband's former painting instructor. Today's been busy enough, I've not even had a chance to open it!

Journal Your Christmas, December 2nd

Anyone who knows me is familiar with my love of snow. We have a light dusting that's managed to survive more than 24 hours. I can hardly wait for the first REAL snowfall of the season.



Oh, please, please,, please let's have snow tomorrow night! I'd love to wake up Saturday to a white landscape!

Journal Your Christmas, December 1st

It's the first of December, so it's time to start my annual Christmas album, using Shimelle Laine's Journal Your Christmas class as a starting point. This is my 5th year doing her class, and I'm not quite sure where this album will take me, but it's always interesting. I decided to document just random thoughts from today, and how I'm feeling calmer than maybe I should.



I thought about adding a bit that we really thought we'd be parents by now, but I opted not to. I'm sure that'll work its way into the album in some form. It's bittersweet ... the past 2 years of albums have made reference to our hope for adoption, and it's hard to contemplate that nothing's come of it yet.